Skip to main content

What We Do...

I love him so much. I wish there was a way for me to tattoo that fact on his brain. I think he knows it fundamentally, but his poor heart has been so battered and bruised that it's hard for him to believe it. And that makes it hard for me.

He questions me. He analyzes every jot and tittle. If I edit myself in the middle of a sentence, he's trying to figure out what I didn't say. He looks at my facial expressions and my movements and tries to understand exactly what is going on with me.

I've never been in this type of situation. Ever. No one's ever looked at me and thought that I was the girl good enough or wanted enough to be deceitful. Now he's watching my every move and it's strange...extremely strange.

Honestly, I'm finding it daunting to be under such scrutiny. But I love him so much that I answer all his questions. I give explanations for everything. I do everything in my power to make sure that he realizes how much he means to me.

There are breakthroughs. He gets that I love him. But I need him to rest in that knowledge. Because as much as I love him, I am a human. One who doesn't like to be accused all the time. If my love wasn't strong, he'd push me away.

But I am strong. And my love for him is strong. So I stand here, loving him, willing him to believe me and trust me. This is what we're doing right now. And I will do it as long as it takes to make sure he understands how much I love him. Because I do.

Comments

JB said…
Oh hon, my husband did that for me, just hung in there, loving me, telling me over and over, and even still, after twenty-seven years together, I sometimes don't understand why he loves me, but he does. Thank you for being that person for this guy because I was like him. I hope he can let you in and that you can hold out until he does.

Popular posts from this blog

A New Possibility?

If you've been reading EFTDOAD for any length of time, you've probably noticed that I haven't really talked about a man. By that, I mean a man of my own. What's really sad is that there hasn't been a man in my life for the entire time I've been writing this blog. I hate that. However, things may be looking up for me. One of my good friends hosts a forum in Los Angeles called " Battle of the Sexes ." This monthly event consists of guys and girls submitting questions anonymously to the moderators, with the answers being discussed in an open forum. It can get quite rowdy, and the discussions are always enlightening. For most of us, it's the first time we've really heard what members of the opposite sex think. I've been attending these Battles for a few months now. Even though I'm not a fan of mindless rhetoric, it's cool to be around some single people who can think and put together coherent sentences. The last couple of times I'v
There's always that one. The one person you'd change your entire life for if they asked you to. Whether it's the first man you ever loved, the first guy who saw you naked, or the first man to bring you flowers, if he said, "Marry me, and travel with me around the world," you'd quit your job and hop on the first thing smoking. Alas, I haven't met him yet. Actually...that's not true. I have met him. But he doesn't want me. So rather than admit that the one guy I'd leave it all for wouldn't be caught dead with me, I say we don't know each other. I read an article this week that I found to be very informative. It was talking about how men will use any woman who allows herself to be used. And while I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I don't want that kind of life, I recognized myself in all those women. I've been there. And there are times (like today) when it would be nice to have someone around...even if they're

Long-Distance Sucks

I hate long-distance relationships. Absolutely despise them. So, you ask, why am I currently in one? The short answer is, “I don’t know.” The real answer is, “I don’t know anyone locally that gets me.” Tinderfella is in New York. I am in Texas. Maybe I shouldn’t have let it get this far. Maybe I should’ve nipped it in the bud. But I didn’t. Now I find myself strung out over a man I won’t get to touch until September — IF I’m lucky. With my cycle and every other factor that could exert itself over my situation, I don’t know if we’ll get to see each other then. I don’t like this. I want to kick it with him after work. Maybe hook up and see a movie. Or not. We could cuddle on the couch or discuss the day’s events or just breathe each other’s air. I wanna watch his face light up when he sees me or frown when he gets mad. I want to learn his facial expressions and body language well enough to read joy, peace, anger, and hatred on him. Basically, I want to be with him in a real and meaningfu