So I'm in my feelings. Again.
Here's the deal. I told you last time that I'd be having a biopsy this week. That happens tomorrow. I thought my homegirl would be able to go with me, but she's got an engagement to attend that she just can't get out of. So guess who said they'd go with me? You guessed it -- My Teddy Bear.
Here's the problem with that -- I don't know if he's ready for the mess I might be afterwards. Heck, I don't know if I'M ready for the mess I might be. The way I see it, there's only one honeymoon period in a relationship...one time when they think you're absolutely the best thing ever. He doesn't know I snore, and he thinks that I smell like juices and berries all the time. This situation could render me human in his eyes.
And of course, because I'm the one who thinks things all the way through, I wonder if he'll see me as damaged goods. I always fight that thought anyway, but now there won't be a doubt. What if I can't have children? He loves kids, and I can't see him not wanting them. If the worst case scenario were to be true, would I be enough for him? Would he still want to be with me if he knew that I'm all he'll ever have?
I know I'm being irrational. If he really likes me, he'll be here. He'll think I'm okay. He won't run when the going gets tough.
But this is the beginning. He hasn't seen me naked. What if I disappoint him? With all that's going on, what if I'm not the same?
I really need to get out of this house...
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